Down in the dumps

With so much going on around me I am feeling dispondant.  We are going to be made illegal next year and it is quite a dominent thought in my mind.   I have made myself pretty unpopular in professional circles by refusing to join in and follow the crowd when I believe they had it wrong.  It’s stressful and upsetting.

On top of that recently I have had a client change midwives at 36 weeks.  This hasn’t happened to me before although I have picked up women from the other side of the coin always making sure that it is really what they want and have talked about it with their original midwife.

She hasn’t really given a reason, that’s ok and I have no possession of the birth at all.  Over the months of pregnancy I felt that this woman and I had become friends.  This ofen happens, I have an open personality and it is an intimate time in our lives.   Then I must have taken my eye off the ball and started gossiping and chitty chatting as friends do.  Not realising that this woman wanted more midwifing and less befriending.

I feel embarrassed and vulnerable, disspointed with myself and exposed.

Did I let the political situation and the need to discuss it over take me?  Did I miss cues that were being given to me that this woman didn’t really want to be my friend at all.  I must have.  How unprofessional of me.

This reflection has thrown me into a turmoil of lethargy.  I wish it were over, next year unable to practice, no clients to let down or expectations to live up to.  No authorities chasing me even tho I’m perfectly legal.  I can stay home and sew.

On that subject I bought a new sewing machine.  I haven’t had one for years but having purchased one have already completed my first skirt. Jos has been busy patchworking and bag making.

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I have a normal family after all

Maybe I just need a stall at Stirling market and blow the whole midwifery shite.

7 thoughts on “Down in the dumps

  1. Ohhhh Lisa, I’m so sorry to hear you feeling so down. I’m very shocked to hear that your client has changed midwives, I couldn’t think of anyone better than you – it was your chats and friendship that I loved the most, and my friends were all jealous of the rapport we had that they didn’t get to have with their hospital midwives. The new sewing machine sounds great! Craft is fantastic therapy, creating always cheers me up. Look forward to catching up with you at the next coffee morning. (lots of hugs) xx xx

  2. Aw darlin!! Don’t go getting all wussy on me!! She probably just wanted another midwife cause of some totally superficial reason that you can’t even imagine cause you’re too deep baby…..

  3. Lisa, lovely Lisa.
    Don’t blame yourself… I think that if she couldn’t communicate what she needed then it isn’t your fault. You’re not a mind reader!

    Now, as for you sewing… I’ve just pulled out my MIL’s old sewing machine and am hoping to make a few things. So far I’ve made a very poor pillowcase dress for Kitty but my aim is to keep practising and make myself a skirt or two. I just have to get over the awful memories of home economics classes, sitting in the corner unpicking endless mistakes….. I might have to get some pointers from you.

    Anyway, chin up Lisa! We love you! I know it’s a truly awful time but if you don’t cheer up i’ll give you a slap! xxx

  4. Oh Lisa. Don’t ever feel bad about yourself. A change doesn’t mean any less of you, it’s all part of the journey for the woman, and you would have helped her, and she is probably just embarrassed to discuss it all. I still remember my first midwife fondly, and am grateful to her for without her I would never have gone down the homebirth path, and I would never have met you, and Rosey too.

  5. Not to mention this is the first time this has happened…. pretty good rate of rapport there in my view! Who knows what her reasons were, but it is not about you, it is about her. Every woman has different requirement from a relationship, and it is not your job to morph yourself into whatever those requirements are. You provide so much of yourself as part of your service, and it is important to be true to that.

    Keep up the passion Lisa, it is inspiring
    xxxx

  6. Hey Lisa, Just discovered your personal website – I didn’t know you did anything but midwifery! It is very interesting to me to find out you were feeling so down just before I birthed. I had no idea – which shows you are very professional. I also loved your openness in the antenatal visits. Hope my birth helped you on your journey – I will take the credit anyway.

    I’m with you on the stall idea, I just need to learn how to make something that people will want to buy lol

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